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ISBN: 9781552453315

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You Only Live Twice

Sex, Death and Transition

YOLT explores two artists’ lives before and after transitions: from female to male, and from near-dead to alive.

The unspoken promise was that in our second life we would become the question to every answer, jumping across borders until they finally dissolve. Man and woman. Queer and straight.

What if it’s not true that you only live once? In this genre-transcending book, trans writer and media artist Chase Joynt and HIV-positive movie artist Mike Hoolboom come together over the films of Chris Marker to exchange transition tales, confessional missives that map out the particularities of occupying what they call ‘second lives’: Chase’s transition from female to male and Mike’s near-death from AIDS.

Weaving cultural theory with memoir and media analysis, YOLT asks intimate questions about what it might mean to find love and hope through conversation across generations.

Contributors

Chase Joynt

Chase Joynt is a Toronto-based moving-image artist and writer who has exhibited his work internationally. He recently received a Mellon Fellowship in Arts Practice and Scholarship at the University of Chicago.

Mike Hoolboom

Mike Hoolboom is a Canadian independent, experimental filmmaker. He has made dozens of films, including two of which won Best Short Film at the Toronto International Film Festival. His films have also featured in more than 200 film festivals worldwide.

Chapter Title Contents Contributors Pages Year Price

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Chase Joynt explains the reasons for the book, how he met the co-author, and the form and structure of the book. 2 $0.20

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The authors begin their story describing themselves in third person, interacting in an airport. They discuss a filmmaker of interest to both, carefully circling around the ideas in his films that … ; 8 $0.80

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The authors write to each other about Chase’s first date and Mike remembers a date of his own. ; 2 $0.20

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Chase relays awkward and funny stories about sex from his childhood while Mike reflects back to him what he thinks the stories might mean for Chase. ; 2 $0.20

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Chase shares his experience of talking about sex with a woman with whom he may have sex, while Mike re-experiences a scene from his childhood with his family. ; 4 $0.40

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Chase reflects on first kisses, including his own, though as a girl, not a man. ; 2 $0.20

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Mike reflects on a moment of early sexual attraction to men, while Chase shares an early reflection that while he might actually relate more to men than women. ; 3 $0.30

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Chase reflects on spending time with his father as a kid, at his warehouse at work and at golf tournaments, while Mike shares about his mostly quietly removed father and reflects on Chase’s … ; 3 $0.30

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Chase considers the value of their writing project, and on his experience of gender transition supported by his mother, while Mike offers reflections of Chase’s stories. ; 4 $0.40

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Mike discusses his fear of telling friends about having HIV, a friend’s reaction and the role of filmmaking in processing fear. Chase reflects on a childhood moment of being mistaken for a … ; 5 $0.50

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Mike shares about the first person he fell in love with and his letters with her, while Chase responds remembering a film of their shared favourite filmmaker about love letters, and sorting … ; 3 $0.30

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Mike shares a memory about learning to ride a bike with his little brother and crashing, after which they discuss death. Chase shares a memory of his mother teaching him about menstruation when … ; 4 $0.40

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Mike and Chase attend a festival of a film by their favourite filmmaker together. ; 1 $0.10

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Mike shares about going home and reuniting with his brother, and when he told his brother about HIV, and then about how their relationship shifted with new drugs to extend life. Chase reflects on … ; 6 $0.60

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Chase reflects on looking at other people and how his desire to look at others changed during his transition. Mike helps him unpack his thoughts, and they consider Chase’s tattoos as a way … ; 4 $0.40

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Mike shares about being asked to report his sexual history to the government after his diagnosis, and Chase considers this through their filmmaking work. Chase reconsiders the stories he tells … ; 4 $0.40

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Chase shares a story about the easily provoked hornet nest that lies within him regarding masculinity, and Mike reflects back to him that it has something to do with touch. Chase considers how to … ; 2 $0.20

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Chase shares more about a first date, and it reminds Mike about falling in love with someone named Serena, and how she inadvertently helped him to not hide after his diagnosis. ; 3 $0.30

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Chase reflects on his editing process in filmmaking and how it relates to his desire to control and edit his life stories. Mike asks questions of Chase’s film work, and together they … ; 3 $0.30

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Mike begins with a story of watching a film with a friend and Chase picks up with a story of reconnecting with his father. Mike reflects on hugging people via considering his nephew, all while … ; 7 $0.70

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Chase begins by sharing about going through personal archives of photos and letters of exes. Mike considers how computers are essentially archives, and what they reveal about our societal … ; 4 $0.40

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Mike and Chase meet at near their favourite filmmaker’s home and find it easier to write than to talk, as the café they are in is robbed by an armed man. ; 1 $0.10

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Chase reflects on his grandmother’s death. ; 4 $0.40

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Mike shares a reflection of his friend Mark, who despite working at being exceptionally positive and kind, died of suicide when he was 35. Chase reflects back the story of Mark, which is also … ; 4 $0.40

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Mike considers how people in their second lives often plan their funerals, like his mother. He continues to share about Mark’s death and funeral. ; 3 $0.30

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Chase reflects on Mike’s telling of Mark’s funeral. They both grapple with the ideas of perfection and vulnerability. ; 3 $0.30

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Chase reflects on stereotypes of trans men and shares more details of his transition. Mike wonders about the ways his favourite filmmaker makes him feel and react. Chase reflects on the function … ; 4 $0.40

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Chase shares his experiences in learning to navigate male washrooms and cruising culture, as well as his Pride parade experiences. Mike shares his experiences with Pride and queer culture. ; 5 $0.50

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Mike reflects on his HIV status and the impact of keeping it secret on other people. Chase shares about his mother’s second marriage as an Othodox Jew, the first time he is publicly with … ; 3 $0.30

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Mike is grateful for his doctor Chelsea and reflects on her challenges treating people with HIV. Chase reflects on his childhood home. They both consider home could be in other people who share … ; 5 $0.50

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Mike shares his friend’s cancer diagnosis, and her experience in being told she had to have breast reconstruction surgery to be accepted. Chase considers his art about surgery and … ; 6 $0.60

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Chase reflects on his relationship with sex. Mike reflects on what sex used to mean for him and means now that he is HIV-positive. ; 3 $0.30

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Chase shares about loving a friend and how his transition impacted her attraction to him. ; 2 $0.20

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Mike brings up a new favourite writer’s work about love. Chase reflects on love, heartbreak and new love. Mike shares what their writing means to him. ; 3 $0.30

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Chase considers the opportunities of having a second life. Mike reflects on how getting HIV drugs that save his life meant for his orienting toward life, before sharing that more of his friends … ; 3 $0.30

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Mike and Chase meet in person and have a poignant moment together. ; 2 $0.20

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Acknowledgements ; 2 $0.20

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Works Cited ; 2 $0.20