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ISBN: 9780865715158

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The Joy of Conflict Resolution

Transforming Victims, Villains and Heroes in the Workplace and at Home

The rapid rate of change in the workplace and among families often leads to conflict and confrontation which can undermine productivity and poison relationships. The Joy of Conflict Resolution helps readers understand conflict and why it arises through the lens of the "drama triangle" of victims, villains and heroes. In an accessible, engaging and light-hearted style that uses stories and humor to explore potentially emotionally charged situations, it provides proven and practical skills to move beyond confrontation to resolve conflicts collaboratively.

Contributors

Gary Harper

Gary Harper is a consultant, writer, and trainer who specializes in management training and business communications. Through his unique blend of experience as a personal injury lawyer, general manager, insurance regulator and retail store owner, he learned the value of clear, effective communication.In 1991 he completed the Conflict Resolution Certificate Program offered by the Justice Institution and the Commercial Mediation program through the Vancouver Centre for Commercial Disputes. He designed and conducted a variety of workshops on communication skills and conflict resolution for managers, shop stewards, municipal employees, adjusters, and bylaw enforcement officers, among others. He has trained for the Justice Institute of B. C., I.C.B.C., the Workers’ Compensation Board, B. C. Transit, Revenue Canada, and the University of British Columbia and its Women's Resource Centre. His interest in the archetypal characters of the “drama triangle” of conflict lead him to develop a course entitled “Once Upon a Conflict”. He uses the concept to illustrate how we can move beyond confrontation towards collaboration. He is known for his high-energy and humour and for the ability to foster a positive, supportive learning environment. He believes people learn best when they are actively engaged and having fun. He can be contacted at .
Chapter Title Contents Contributors Pages Year Price

Preview

 In what follows, you’ll be invited to examine conflict stories. By identifying the ever-changing roles people play in conflict, you will be able to understand and resolve differences. 2 $0.20

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 The roles of hero and villain both exhibit aggressive behaviors and are distinguished only by our judgment of what is right or just. To resolve conflict, we need to relinquish our roles as … 12 $1.20

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 The surface issues in a conflict may obscure the underlying source of the dispute. Where conflict is repetitive and seems petty, its roots probably lie deeper. We may be so anxious to fix the … 8 $0.80

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 Remember that the full story includes the plot, the characters, and the theme. Although the events of the story provide a starting point from which we can identify a conflict, insight into the … 12 $1.20

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 As a company, Turm-Oil Inc. is facing the typical challenges of the new millennium: downsizing, greater reliance on technology, increased competition, and demanding customers. Such changes lead … 11 $1.10

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 In conflict, we judge our own actions by our motives. We judge others’ actions by the impact they have on us. Think of the events as the tip of an iceberg, visible to both people. Thoughts … 9 $0.90

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 Conflict is like a three-legged stool, encompassing the problem, the process, and the emotions. When you encounter resistance, refrain from the urge to push harder against the problem itself. … 15 $1.50

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 We react instinctively to a perceived attack with a fight, flight, or freeze response. A fight response places us squarely on the drama triangle of confrontation as either a hero or a villain. A … 14 $1.40

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 Knowing ourselves and our triggers allows us to develop a preventive maintenance program that can serve us when conflict surfaces. Self-management begins with awareness of our body and breathing. … 11 $1.10

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 Give everyone their “one minute.” People are unlikely to listen to you until they feel you’ve listened to them. Listen for their full story: facts, feelings, and unmet needs. At … 14 $1.40

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 Defensiveness can be defined as “a behavioral response to a perceived threat or attack, often to one’s self-esteem or well-being.” It involves a negotiation of reputation and … 10 $1.00

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 Conflict often is marked by people dug in on their positions. A position can be defined as a person’s desired solution in conflict and does not necessarily consider other people or their … 11 $1.10

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 We can get to the core of a conflict by “peeling the layers of the onion” through asking high-yield, open-ended questions. The facts are a natural starting point, but until we … 9 $0.90

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 Assertiveness means expressing our feelings, opinions, and wishes directly and respectfully. It allows us to tell our story in a way that doesn’t cast the other person as the villain. … 16 $1.60

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 The road map to conflict resolution includes the following steps: 1. Setting the stage (How are we going to approach this?) 2. Sharing our stories (How do we each see the situation?) 3. Creating … 12 $1.20

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 Resolving conflict collaboratively is a way of life. Some have likened it to learning a new language. It doesn’t happen overnight. To venture beyond the familiar roles of the drama triangle … 22 $2.20