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ISBN: 9780865718760

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Cracking the Boy Code

How to Understand and Talk with Boys

All too quickly, talkative, affectionate young boys seem to slip away. Adolescents may be transformed overnight into reclusive, seemingly impenetrable young people who open up only to their friends and spend more time on devices than with family. How do you penetrate this shell before they are lost to you?

Drawing on decades of experience garnered through thousands of hours of therapy with boys, Cracking the Boy Code explains how the key to communicating with boys is understanding their universal psychological needs and using specific, straightforward communication techniques. Coverage includes:

Why it’s important to understand the psychological needs of boys

* How to talk to be heard, and listen to understand

* The crucial role of non-verbal cues

* Learning the universal tone that helps boys listen

* Motivating boys to become their authentic selves

* Using purposeful work to teach boys self-respect and confidence

* Reducing stress and creating greater closeness between boys and caregivers.

Essential reading for parents, caregivers, teachers, youth workers, coaches, and others who want to make a real connection with the boys in their lives.

Contributors

Adam Cox

Adam J. Cox Ph.D, is a clinical psychologist whose work includes thousands of hours interviewing children. His research includes a multi-year global research project, Locating Significance in the Lives of Boys, for the International Boys' Schools Coalition, during which he interviewed students and teachers in the US, UK, Canada, Singapore, South Africa, New Zealand, and Australia, from a wide variety of social and educational backgrounds. A sought-after therapist and frequent speaker on the psychology of boys, he is author of the acclaimed books On Purpose Before Twenty, Boys of Few Words and No Mind Left Behind. Cox lives in Rhode Island and shares his wisdom in his newsletter Family Matters at DrAdamCox.com.

Chapter Title Contents Contributors Pages Year Price

Preview

This is a book about relating to and talking with boys. I’ve written this book for you. For most of my 20 years as a psychologist, the social and emotional development of boys — how … 6 $0.60

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• Social communication is the greatest communication challenge for boys • Vocabulary, phrasing, and tone set the stage for great conversations. • Get inside a boy’s mental … 14 $1.40

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• Boys’ hearing is less effective than girls. • Boys’ self-absorption undermines their working memory, and can be mistaken for rudeness or poor effort. • The most … 17 $1.70

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• Before asking a question, think about how you would feel if your son posed the same question, in the same tone. • Boredom is the enemy of a positive connection. Be honest and … 13 $1.30

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• Getting off to a good start “sets the table” for a constructive conversation. The approach you use should be guided by the situation at hand. • Respect always promotes … 10 $1.00

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• Vocal tone is the most important signal you send about your state of mind, and where a conversation is going. • Task-tone relaxes boys. It is both succinct and respectful, … 14 $1.40

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• Electronica undermines the development of authenticity. Boys don’t begin figuring out who they are until they escape the barrage of representations and distractions that occupy … 17 $1.70

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• Purposeful work is transformative because it elevates feelings of competence, contribution, and skillfulness. • Boys define themselves and uncover elements of authenticity through … 15 $1.50

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• Motivation is more emotional than analytical. It needs to draw upon personal sources of interest and excitement. • Adults and boys have different ideas about what merits effort. … 17 $1.70

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• Relationship is what powers therapy forward. Find a therapist with an instinct for relationship. This triumphs over theories, rules, and professional status. • Activity-based … 16 $1.60

Preview

These ideas provide starting points for discussion. The task of sorting out a project, figuring out logistics, and finding good supervision are all part of the process. The single most important … 2 $0.20